I Don't Believe This Is How It's Meant To Be.
The song ‘Meant To Be’ on City and Colour’s 2023 album, ‘The Love Still Held Me Near’ is a beautifully melancholic dirge that grieves the deaths of dear friends. Dallas Green declares his jarred unacceptance of death's finality against the Church's seemingly passive acceptance of a precious one’s death being ‘God’s will.’ Throughout his long career in various acts, Green has railed against a religious morality that demands unquestioning adherence to dogmas that cannot genuinely feel the ecstasies and tragedies of real life. In his trademark soul-bearing warble, he sings the chorus:
’But now that you're gone
And I write down this song
I don't believe this is how it's meant to be
The church bells they ring
You can hear the mourners sing
They still believe This is how it's meant to be’
Green gives form to a blurry intersection; where death’s crippling wrongness meets with a whisper-quiet intuition that there must be more beyond the grave. Christians do not corner the market when pointing to eternity. Something deep within the human psyche recognises eternal things and astutely feels when eternal things get violated. Death is one such violation, and Green won’t accept that it is part of God's plan.
Green grieves a Church upbringing that has not been able to listen and mourn with him or to demonstrate that there is hope beyond the grave.
‘When I grew up
I had big city dreams
I wondered if the Bible was wrong
What the hell were they teaching me?
I was lost in thought
And I could not hide it
But the sun, it kept on rising
So, I played along’
I would probably be deemed among the church mourners that Green names, but I side with his perspective in saying, ‘I don’t believe this is how it’s meant to be.’ The Christian reality is that we are on our way towards an eternal time when the old order of things will have passed away. “There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.” He who was seated on the throne said, “I am making everything new!” Then he said, “Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true.” Revelation 21:4-5.
Three months ago, I was numbered among many mourners attending a dear friend's memorial. Each mourner was caught in the same black hole of loss, where the fabric of time and space seemed to have bottomed out into oblivion, leaving us free-falling.
‘And then the morning came
And the sun started rising
But I was missing my friend
So, how do I carry on?’
Incredibly, through the words and songs shared at the memorial, the hope of resurrection met us. It was like a blanket of light was pulled from beyond and draped over our wracked shoulders. None of us believed this was how it was meant to be. We felt the wood of the coffin, and we gave tearful hugs of unspoken depths to those we hadn’t seen in years. And yet. Ressurection reminded us, ‘This isn’t how it’s meant to be. It won’t be this way forever.’
The Holy Spirit is God's spirit sent to draw people to an awareness and reception of God's reality. The Spirit counsels those who follow God. The Spirit's goodness sows seeds of hope to all. I find it fascinating that Green’s voice from outside the faith has a similar prophetic edge, ‘Don’t embrace death as the final word.’ God has the final say on death and has spoken life!
When we look at the account of Jesus resurrecting Lazarus in John 11: 1-44, we see tears rolling down God’s face and dripping onto the dry earth of Nazareth. Although moments away from raising Lazarus from the dead, Jesus weeps, overwhelmed by this reality of dying, which heinously tears at the centre of our beings. Perhaps Jesus is envisioning his own death, recognising the grief that will follow for the three days before his own resurrection. God's humanity is on display as He feels the destructive weight of His impending suffering and passing from physicality.
Churches I have been a part of and Christians I know have been able to live between realms. We are a kingdom of ministers who straddle both eternal and temporal spaces. Like Jesus, we too can enter into people’s grief while laying a blanket of resurrection light across their shoulders.
The Church needs artists like Dallas Green to hold up a mirror for us. I value his talent, perspectives, vulnerability, and courage to sing about topics that matter to people. I pray that Green would meet Jesus, who says even more loudly, “I don't believe this is how it's meant to be.” He is the one who has lived through death and makes a way for all to have eternal hope despite our broken reality.